i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize