On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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