Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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