he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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