apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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