he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
