you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
