More tranny stories later!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
