Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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