I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
