The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
