I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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