did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
