I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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