he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
