12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
