i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
