did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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