u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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