i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize