I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
