his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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