Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
