Plan B is the new Plan A
just tell him i said nine months
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize