there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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