At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
