the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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