ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
