Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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