can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
