whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
