Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
