peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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