i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
