Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
