Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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