Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
another moral hangover. fuck.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
