Jerry, you need to find god
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
