I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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