Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
