I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
