i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm really busy with my period
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