I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize