i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
