Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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