u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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