I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
