Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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