i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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