I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
