we made out on top of his cat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
