If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
