She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
