dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
