Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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