My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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