how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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