then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
