Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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