Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
