My liver just broke up with me...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize