I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
