idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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