Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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