Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's the barista slut.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
