i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
