Buhtt sex?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
